Some days there arent enough coffee

So I really hate having to work here sometimes, it really drives me nuts but I am going to make this work because I do love working with my patients and I love helping people breastfeed thier babies. This is such an amazing program and I love being a part of it.

But there are down sides to it too. I have to make sure I come in and do it. Its not as easyt as it sounds when all you want to do is sit on the couch and play all day with your child. It would be wonderful to be a full time stay at home mom. But I know how I am and I know that I would go cray if I had to just sit with him all day.

Wish me luck!!

Some days....

Some days are better than others.

Some days I don't feel as bad.

Some days I am happy.

But then there are the days that aren't good. They are bad. I wake up unhappy, and go to bed unhappy. I wonder what to do with my life, and I wonder how I am going to get through the rest of my life.

Why do I feel like this?

Why do I never feel satisfied when I have a very good life?

My baby boy is growing up wonderfully and I couldn't be more proud of the little guy he is turning into. But I wonder why I never feel completely happy anymore.

45 random things about me.

1. Today at 9:30pm marks 60 hours since I have been away from my little boy! I have loved having a vacation with the fiancé and his parents, but I would love to have him here with me. But on the other hand if he was here there is no way I’d be having as much fun. Keeping him hydrated would have been a nightmare at KY Speedway.
2. I never thought I could make it this long without him with me. I’m very proud of myself.
3. I get uncomfortable when people talk about me as a mother. I don’t believe that I am doing a good job, but it seems like most of my friends do.
4. I love to drive, like L-O-V-E! My favorite part about it is the freedom I feel when I’m behind the wheel.
5. I have finally figured out what I want to do when I grow up. I want to be a lactation consultant and postpartum/breastfeeding doula.
6. Most of my friends have no clue what any of that means. Except that lactation has to do with boobies.
7. My favorite thing my fiancé makes if homemade chicken fried steak and homemade hash brown casserole.
8. I absolutely love having Netflix’s. It is amazing!
9. Even though I don’t want a bunch of kids, if they were to happen I already have their names picked out.
10. I absolutely hate my stomach since I have had my son. I’m finally back in my pre-pregnancy jeans, but my stomach with never ever look good in my old shirts. :/
11. I always thought I would want to be a stay-at-home mom, but I don’t. I love working with other moms so much that I don’t mind being away from him a few hours a day.
12. My heart goes out to my friends that are having problems getting pregnant. They pull my heartstrings each time they play with Alex. I can’t imagine what they are going through.
13. I’m so thankful to have good in-laws.
14. I do not understand these parents who never spend time with their children. They drive me insane.
15. Facebook gets me into trouble, because I tend to voice my opinion way to much about the above.
16. I make sure to dream big, there’s nothing like achieving a goal that you never thought you would.
17. I love my boobs since having the baby, well when they are engorged but not to the point of hurting yet. I have always wanted bigger breasts and it’s kinda like I had a boob job, with no surgery.
18. I have one tattoo. And I plan on getting one more and then I’m done.
19. I would love to take a phlebotomist class in the near future.
20. I have little tolerance for ignorance.
21. I love Dexter, and often wish there was actually one of him. LOL
22. I’d love to start going back to the gym, but neither the money nor the time is there.
23. I love my Kindle. It is one of my favorite gifts I have received.
24. I love to cook, and would love to open my own restaurant.
25. My son is one of the least picky eater I have ever seen!
26. I miss my grandmother more and more every day, she was one of my best friends and I still can’t believe she is gone.
27. There are days when I could cry for no reason.
28. If I could give up chicken I could be a vegetarian.
29. I have to have something to sweet after I eat. It’s a habit that started when I was pregnant with Alex and it still stuck around!
30. I should clean my apartment more. It’s not like it is dirty, more like messy. But I have a 1 ½ year old.
31. I need to get my eyes checked.
32. I usually am a tomboy but lately I have been wanting to be girly.
33. The above statement is so much so that it is one of my goals for myself.
34. I love to swim, but don’t get to do much of it anymore.
35. I am horrible with names.
36. Chihuahuas are my least favorite dogs.
37. I have a love-hate relationship with my fiancés motorcycle.
38. I hate olives.
39. I love watching movies.
40. I usually think the book is better than a movie.
41. My little man is about 30 pounds at 16 months.
42. Gold Star Chili is one of my favorite places to eat, and the closest one to my house is over an hour away.
43. I want a little girl just so I can dress her up.
44. But since I do not want any more children right now I inflict my dress up habits on my niece who is 2.
45. Coming up with 45 things was a little harder than I thought!

Putting your breast foot forward

Ok I know that wasn't a very good pun, but hey I tried! Lately I have been feeling a very strong move in my life, not only to get back into church but to be a more vocal person on the subject of breastfeeding. I honestly don't know how I could be any more vocal but I feel like I have got to do something. One of the ladies that goes to my church is an IBCLC, for those of you who do not speak breast it stands for International Board Certified Lactation Consultant. Shes one of the very few in my region of Ky. I feel a very strong pull to work with her, and the new mothers that deliver in our local hospital. I speak to mothers all the time that said they didn't get enough help at the hospital so when they got home breastfeeding was hard, so they quit. I never want to see a mother give up because she doesn't have the support she needs! And I never want to see a mother who really wants to breastfeed leave the hospital without getting the right guidance to help her succeed. I feel like working to help new mothers with this is my calling. I feel it deep in my soul. Have you ever felt something so completely that you just knew that's what you were meant to do?

Breastfeeding

So as of today Alex has been a breastfed baby for 1 year 2 months and 3 weeks. And I love every single moment of it!

I started a new postion at my local health deapartment. I am one of their breastfeeding peer counselors. I get to help new moms with the amazingness that is breastfeeding your baby! So Im thinking I want to change our hospital to a baby friendly one. AKA a non- formula passing out one.

I think I want to make a difference in womens lives and in babies lives. Maybe thats what I want to do with my life? Maybe.

Every. Time.

I keep telling my self that Im going to post more, because 1) my kid is so darn cute. 2) I want to remember these things!

At 13 months, 3 weeks, and 5 days my little man is 31 pounds and 6 ounces. He is 31 inches tall. He loves to say Dada and dog, and prefers to say dad to everything even when I try to correct him. He refuses to say Momma even though he knows how, he only uses it when he wants something. Yep thats right, he already knows how to play the cute card!

I can't remember if I have mentioned it before, but me and the new guy are getting married. Yep that was fast, I know. But he has been absolutely amazing with everything that has came his way. And he has been the most amazing Daddy to Alex that I could have ever asked for. I kinda wish his biological dad would step up to the plate half of what the new guy has, that would make things so much easier!

Anyways, babys dad is being a dead-beat still. Well ok... hes starting to try, at least on his level. He thinks he being Dad of the year just because he pays me child support. And let me tell you thats all he does. And I promise WW3 is getting ready to hit because he doesnt think that he needs to provide for Alex at his house. His exact words were "I pay you child support, I shouldnt have to buy anything else!" Needless to say, I try to just ingore him most of the time.

Some days you just have to thank God that your bad days arent worse!

You never really know just how good you have it, until you see someone that has it worse!

Yeah my baby daddy left me! But I found someone who actually wants to be there for me and Alex.

Yeah hardly any of my friends came to my baby shower! But the ones that did are my true friends. And I saw just how amazing my family is.

Yeah I lost a best friend this year. But it was because shes a liar and not a true friend and the only thing she brings with her is drama and lies and I just dont need that in my life.

And when I think of all the "bad" things, they arent really that bad. (no my life is not so perfect that the only things I have to worry about are bad friends and getting dumped, the rest I just really dont want to put on here)

My mother told me today of a girl who is about my age that came into her store. She was buying things for her baby shower. She was throwing one for herself since no one else would. I about cried! How sad is that?! I want to go there and just hug her and tell her everything is going to be ok, and that if she needs a friend that Ill be there.

I know I can be selfish! Hello, who cant? But when I think of all the little things that Ive got Im one lucky girl! I have a man who thinks the world of me. A beautiful healthy child who I could be more proud of. And a family that wants to help me succeed no matter what!

My life, no matter who hard I think it is at the moment, could be alot worse! And Im very thankful that my bad days arent that bad anymore!